Final Fantasy VII Remake is out today. I am here talking about a thoroughly crap horror game that costs five bucks. Because I want to waste what finite time I have on this Earth.
This is some rubbish I acquired because it was on the PS4 and I couldn’t believe that garbage. So here it is. Garbage.
Well i’m sold and I know the rest of the internet is too.
Sorry Square but you have a flop on your hands.
The monster looks like hes just going to politely ask you to leave. Canadian style.
I love that there were immediate dislikes which quickly went away, as people realized the title was sarcastic and withdrew.
There should be a new quadruple A clasification for masterpices like this
That monster looks like hes made of meatloaf. lol
“I don’t get anything early, except im assuming a Grave.”
-Jim Sterling 2020
I’m basically a dog at this point. Jim keeps talking in the background and I’m listening, but the words mean nothing. I just smile and laugh along with the intonation of his speech, occasionally wag my tail, etc.
Clearly a metaphor for social distancing.
*Sees title*
Given what Jim said about the demo, this must be something special.
*Sees first 30 seconds*
Oh. _Oooooh._ Oh _nooooooo…_
Did Sony do another Black Tiger?
Sony did another Black Tiger, didn’t they?
Metal Scissors? Do the “developers” who made this game not know what bolt cutters are called?
you could break this box with a tool, it said, whilst hes holding boltcutters
April first was nine days ago, Jimbo.
“It’s not Animal Crossing, thank heavens for small mercies”
– Jim Sterling
NOW THIS IS THE NEGATIVE CONTENT IM WAITING FOR
I’m quite enjoying the creative part of Dreams, actually.
Dissection devs: Someone bought my game! Lunch is on me, boyz!
Ah yes the Golden Age Jim Sterling has returned. Shitty horror games are no longer safe.
Jim, I’m “disappointed”, you didn’t point out how the game called bolt cutters “metal scissors”. Not genuinely disappointed… about in the same level of meaning as Ubisoft’s use of the word “iconic”.
The animations look more like he’s an eccentric but good intentioned neighbour who noticed you dropped something and is speed walking up to hand it back to you.