Square Enix Is Poisoned (The Jimquisition)


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Babylon’s Fall and Chocobo GP have both recently demonstrated Square Enix’s commitment to being an awful videogame publisher. It’s the culmination of years of poisoned thinking.

20 Comments:

  1. Best writer on the net. Always love your work

  2. Running towards swings like a cackling madman is just the thing I needed to see this morning.

  3. Someone needs to make a gif of Jim-Steph on the swings

  4. I love how Mondays are just Jim doom scrolling for us now.

  5. Credit to Square Enix for finally pushing their music to YouTube!
    (After years of not doing so and striking it every time).

  6. “Mommy why’s that weird person laughing so scary while they’re on the swing?” “Better question sweetie, why are we walking in the park at 2 in the f**king morning!?”

  7. You can tell which games had executives meddling in them. The difference in quality is super obvious.

  8. I saw Vinesauce Vinny play this yesterday and the moment the game opened the bombardment of mobile game currencies immediately destroyed any charm this game may have had. I could literally FEEL the diaspointment he was feeling. The story mode cutscenes are some of the laziest I’ve seen from a AAA studio in a while, even if it is a free to play. Between this and Babylon’s Fall I’m very concerned for how FF16 is going to turn out. The fact that this was a “successor” to the Chocbo racing game for PS1 only makes this even more vile.

  9. Square Enix really does have the most remarkable talent for putting out cool-sounding game ideas, then completely gutting them with monetization and half-assery. It’s like topping off a fruit parfait with a dollop of wet shit.

  10. Not to take away from the serious issue at hand, but their makeup game is seriously stepping up! Looking damn good James Stephanie Sterling!!

  11. Square Enix is quite great example of how just because executives work in the games industry doesn’t mean they understand it at all – despite their most popular games being mostly singleplayer experiences (with the one notable exception) they seem to think that if they just keep trying to make looter live services there’ll be a success. Which is ironic because thanks to Yoshi P, they HAVE a massively successful multiplayer game. They just refuse to learn any lessons from why that game has gone from strength to strength.

  12. And once again, I shuddered (well, more like convulsed) at the very mention of the phrase “Play to contribute.” What a disgusting corporate phrase it is.

  13. That was an absolutely quality “triple A” at 4:02, it felt even more mocking than usual.

  14. I feel genuinely sorry for the developers who want to make good video games and instead have to churn out this crap because the executives who bought up their studios don’t want to make video games. They want as JSS perfectly described it “Minimum viable products”, designed to extract maximum cash for minimum investment. Sad.

  15. 2013 really is around when the whole industry started to take a nosedive. Rather, I should say that that’s when it become apparent. Hypermonetization of games was preceded by publishers crying about how “games are too expensive to make” all while cutting content to be resold at a later point, pre-order exclusives being tied to specific vendors, and raking in record profits. The value proposition for publishers was, “How can we make more money for less?” which is the heart of capitalist systems. Then around 2013 they realized they could also put casinos in their games without having to worry about the same regulations actual casinos do…

  16. It’s hard to see people living your dreams. Those dreams being swinging on a swing set at dark and laughing maniacally whilst dressed in the most glorious non-binary finery

  17. Well now, that ending sure was ominous. Not sure what skeletons From’s got in their closet, but I doubt they’ll be the cool kind with sunglasses. It’s never the cool kind with sunglasses.

  18. FriendlyNeighborHoodCrusader

    Hey Steph! Just wanted to drop by and thank you again for your commitment to covering the videogame industry and it’s predatory practices. I have an addictable personality and would have been very likely to have a lootbox and other microtransactions addiction if it wasn’t for you expressing the dangers of it works. Have a good day and keep up the informative content!

  19. “because you knew deep inside that you were really what you feared you were– weak. And passive. And ultimately, broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you. That you love. And the only true justice was to let those dominant jackals feed on you. Survive off you” – moral orel but damn dose it fit the video game industry

  20. I’m a massive chocobo fanboy, as is my 8 year old daughter. We collect the plushies, have the giant chocobo head cushion, even have the hoodie blanket. But even I couldn’t bring myself to play Chocobo GP for more than about 10 minutes on the thankfully free version. It screams elevated mobile game with the multiple currencies, battle pass, piss poor controls, total lack of variety, and the unlockable characters like Cloud that were once unlockable in game now requiring an insane grind or real world cash. Garbage of the highest order and I felt violated by it. It can sod right off and so can everyone who worked on it. Shame on you, Square Enix. How dare you try to sell that filth to my daughter. I hope every last one of you gets punched in the squishy bits.

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